Feature/General
10 Ways to Build Self-esteem and
Self-confidence in Your Children
By Steve and Lisa McChesney
Aug/Sept 2002

You are taking an important step in influencing and forming your children's futures. The following are 10 ways that you can explain to them how the self-esteem muscle is built. It's important that you understand what self-esteem means and how, like any other muscle, it needs to be exercised in order to grow. Self-esteem is defined as having respect for oneself, or more simply put, liking yourself. Ask your kids if they would like to have someone just like themselves as a friend.

If the answer is yes, then they obviously like themselves. You now just need to build on that foundation.
If the answer is no, then you have got your work cut out for you.

The 10 ways to build the self-esteem muscle

1. Always tell the truth
Ask your kids if they feel good about themselves when they don't tell the truth. It's hard to feel good about yourself when you are worried that someone is going to find out that you didn't tell the truth; it causes stress. On the other hand, if they tell the truth, they can feel good about themselves for being honest. The fact that they know that you are proud of them for being honest makes them feel good about themselves as well.

2. Take responsibility
Tell your kids that if they did something they shouldn't have, admit it! Don't blame it on others or make excuses. Let them know that when they can take responsibility for their actions, they can take pride in themselves for behaving like a responsible person.

3. Be able to take a compliment
If someone gives you a compliment, smile and say, "Thank you." The fact that someone compliments you should make you feel good about yourself. To say thank you to the person giving the compliment makes them feel good about themselves. This is a win-win situation.

4. Complete assignments early
If your kids have a homework assignment, it's best to finish it early. Once it's done, they can feel good about themselves for fulfilling their responsibilities. If they put it off, it becomes stressful when it competes with other family activities of the evening such as dinner, baths, etc. Worse yet, it gets put off until the next morning and the stress level rises even further.

5. Avoid negative people
Tell your children to pick friends who have high self-esteem, and who feel good about themselves. There is a lot of truth in the pressure of peer influence, and to the old saying 'Birds of a feather flock together.' Keep a keen eye on the types of friends your children play with.

6. Help raise the self-esteem of others
One of the best ways to raise your own self-esteem is to raise the self-esteem of others. Let others know that you like the way their new haircut looks, or the way they always have a smile on their face. Congratulate them on their accomplishments. When we compliment someone and they smile, it causes us to smile as well.

7. Dream big dreams about the future
Let your children know that it is okay to dream BIG about their future. They can be an astronaut and be the first person to walk on Mars. They can be the President of the United States, or leader of their country and bring peace to the entire world. When we dream about ourselves and our future, we feel good about ourselves.

8. Parents are more important than friends
Kids need to remember that their parents are more important then their friends. The underlying factor in this is that parents love their kids unconditionally.

9. Be Healthy
Exercise regularly. Eat only those foods that are good for you. I know this is easier said than done when it comes to kids; however, there are many creative ways to get your kids to eat healthy. The planet is made up mostly of water. The human body is made up mostly of water. How much of your child's diet is made up of water?

10. Pick activities that are important
Have your kids pick activities that are important to them. Prioritize them and then master them one at a time. Each time a child masters something they have incredible pride in themselves.

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