Column
Helping Kids Adjust to a Move
By Debbie McMillon
June/July 2004

Gone are the days of living in one house forever. Sooner or later "life will probably happen to you and your family and a move will be necessary. Whether this move is across the street for a larger space or across the country for a job change, the move will be stressful. Remember that not only are the adults having to deal with the situation, but the children will also have a transition period. As parents, we should be concerned as to how our children will view and respond to a move.

It is important to remember that during a move children feel as if they are leaving a part of themselves behind. which occurs in even the most positive situations. Assuming that children do not need to know all of the details is a mistake. Typically, how children respond to a move depends on how much they are included in the planning of that move. The needs will vary from child to child, depending on their age. For example, the transitional needs of a toddler are very different from that of a teenager. Additionally, your child's reaction will depend upon the distance of the move. No matter what the situation, there are things you can do as a parent to assist your child with a move.

Talk with your child about the move. Make sure they understand the reason for the move. Explain to them that you also have mixed feelings about the move. This will allow them to feel okay about being sad.

Help your children plan for the move. Younger children can actually pack important toys away. Older children can go on the internet and look for interesting facts about the area where they are moving. This will help to give them a sense of connection with the area.

Toddlers will not be as concerned with leaving friends. Primarily, they are concerned that their everyday lives will remain the same. They want to make sure their parents will be there for them and will support them.

School-aged children might be the most excited of these three age groups. They are old enough to understand the move is taking place. They have feelings of being torn. There is a part of them that would like to remain where they are but part of them that is excited. Encourage your child to keep a journal of their feelings. Invite them into family conversations about the move. Do not assume they will not understand. Keeping them informed may help with their insecurities.

Teenagers who have lived in one place long enough to establish friendships will be sad about leaving longtime friends. This is a time in their lives when they are sometimes unsure about themselves in general and can have many moods. In many cases, their self identity is tied to their peer group. The upheaval of the move may leave them feeling as if they have no one. Typically teens tend to keep their feelings to themselves. This would be a good time to let them know you understand how they feel (even though they will not believe you) and make yourself available when THEY are ready to talk.

After the move, it will be easy to get caught up in unpacking and getting settled. But take some family time to enjoy and explore your new area. Go to the local museum, library or park. Find a new favorite restaurant. Find ways to help your children connect to the community. This may be done a variety of ways: sports teams, church functions, or play groups. Any of these will help the child see that you are enjoying the new town and it will help them to be more comfortable.

Above all, remember that the more you involve your children in the planning process, the smother the move will be and the quicker the adjustment period will be. Listen and they will give you the answers to the questions on what is required to minimize the stress of the move.

Debbie McMillon, ASR, GRI, and E-Pro, is an Athens area realtor with The Leaders Real Estate Group of Bogart. www.debsells4u.com