Dad's Chair
Our Father-Daughter Book Club
By Tad MacMillan, Principal, Barrow Elementary School
Jan/Feb 2005

Writers from William Wordsworth to Thomas Wolfe to Bob Dylan have written about the fleeting nature of youth. For me, as a father, the most powerful theme of parenthood is how quickly it all passes. I would swear that my wife and I just brought our 10-year-old home from the hospital last week.

Truly, it seems that in the blink of an eye, my daughter has changed from a totally dependent baby and toddler into a self-confident and capable young woman. Although I realize that this is the way it is supposed to happen, I can't help but bemoan the small things that will never happen again. No more will I hear "Daddy carry!" or "flat it out" (a command to spread out a blanket) or "callapitar" (caterpillar). Today, as an eloquent, powerful fourth grader, her dependence on me is waning, and although I realize that I still have much support to give (and many insurance, tuition and Visa bills to pay), I cherish and miss the days when she actually thought my jokes were funny and that going to the store with me was akin to high adventure.

Rather than whine and complain about the passing of time, though, I realized that the trick was to find time between school, soccer and piano practice for Dory and me to do something that enriched the father-daughter relationship. Our father-daughter book club has provided a successful and fun strategy for staying connected.

The idea to this "book club" is really simple. There are two members of this club: Dory and me. No initiation fee and no monthly tab. All we do is go to Borders bookstore or to Athens Regional Library, scan the stacks, and pick out a book that we both agree to read. We then either buy or check out two copies of it and read it. Sometimes, we agree to read to a certain page and then talk about it. Sometimes, we read the whole book and then talk about it. Although we usually discuss what book we are in the mood for, we try to take turns making the final decision. Certainly, Dory has picked out some books that would not be my first choice, and vise versa. Actually, it is very rewarding when your child reads a book that was definitely not her first choice and LOVES it. "I-told-you-so" is completely acceptable.

Since there is so much great literature for young people, neither of us have picked out a real dog, but that, too, will happen. So what? Then we will have more fodder for discussion. And the discussion has been the most powerful part of our "club," providing natural springboards into all kinds of talks. We have talked about peer pressure and how the need to do the right thing and the thing that will impress our friends sometimes collide (The Tiger Rising). We have talked about how sometimes someone's seemingly obnoxious actions are really just about being noticed and liked (There is a Boy in the Girls Bathroom). We have talked about the loss of loved ones (Because of Winn Dixie). We have talked about how sometimes adults don't always do what they should do (Dear Mr. Henshaw). Dory and I have been able to discuss so many important issues thanks to our book club.

Hopefully, we would have talked about many of these things anyway, but our books have helped us to frame our discussion in more powerful and more meaningful ways for both of us. It is fascinating to hear how a certain character really gets under Dory's skin. Or how she really does not think that a certain character is heroic. Or what settings make her a little scared. And we have talked about topics that would not come up naturally, and I think we are both the better for it.

When we read A Boy at War, I got to brag about my grandfather who fought in World War II, and Dory was fascinated because it helped her understand the story. When we read Holes, I understood Dory's perspective on school bullies and how she handles them. And yes, many of the books we have just enjoyed reading and no serious conversations ensued.

Our book club has really helped us develop our connection and capture moments that otherwise might have been lost. Although Dory and I will still love to watch SpongeBob Squarepants and do other similarly mindless activities, our book club has deepened our understanding of each other. We know each other better - how we think, how we respond to people, how our own experiences have developed our view of the world.

Frequently, what we read strikes us very differently, and we have learned how to disagree and talk through it. My hope is that as she moves into the teenage years, we can continue this activity. Although I know I will become a persona non grata at some point, I am in her book club and so I can't be all bad! I am holding on to the hope that our book club is something we will always have. Now, my only regret is that we didn't start earlier.

By checking out two copies of the same book, you can encourage your toddler's independence in the area of pre-literacy by modeling how to hold books, turn the pages, and look at the pictures. Having very young children talk about their favorite picture is a wonderful beginning. There are many formal and informal strategies for encouraging your child to talk about what you read. If you want to add more structure to your discussions, your child's school should be able to make some suggestions.

Yes, yesterday, my wife and I did just bring our daughter home from the hospital. Yes. It is all moving too quickly. Our book club, however, has deepened my appreciation of the present and helped me capture moments for the future. Although she will never say "Daddy carry!" to me again, her encouragement for me to finish the next chapter so that we can talk about it is not a bad trade.